Balance

I used to go to bed each night feeling like I had failed someone somehow. If I'd spent the afternoon playing with the kids instead of cooking a nice dinner, I'd failed my husband as a housewife. If I'd spent the evening out on a date with Brett, I'd failed my mom who needed to talk on the phone. If I'd cleaned the house all day, I'd failed my children who'd begged for stories and games. And when I showed up every week to guitar lesson, having not cracked my instruction books all week, I failed my teacher and myself. No matter who I pleased, there was someone I always failed.

And yet, I've also been unwilling to give up any of those things. I enjoy being a wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend, homemaker, visiting teacher, primary teacher, writer, guitarist, and eliptical-machine-dominator. Each role is important to me, and a crucial part of who I am.

So what to do? Surrender my sanity? Succumb to the tide? Nope.

Balance.

Have you ever watched closely the circus performers on the high wire? Everything they do is planned, calculated, timed. Nothing is rushed or careless. Nothing is left up to chance. They are deliberate in every move they make. Every move.

And that's what I'm determined to be. Deliberate. The dawn will no longer take me unpleasantly by surprise! I will be ready and waiting when the sun comes up, to accomplish the goals I've made for that day and lay down that night satisfied with my efforts. Satisfied that I walked the high wire one more day - dared to do what often feels almost-impossible, and made it to the other side.

Who am I kidding, right? I'll take some tumbles, no doubt. Lucky for me I've got some pretty swell people waiting in the wings to pick me up. And if I've learned anything in my 30 short years here, I hope it's how to "shake it off" and try again. And again. And again, and again, and again, and again............................................................